Her Madge-jesty...

(We know who wears the pants in New Directions.)

Photo: Glee Images

Tonight the all-Madonna ep of Glee ("The Power of Madonna") finally airs on FOX. I don't know about you, but I am one overexcited diva lover.

I have worshiped Madge pretty much since birth. I have seen her in concert two times - and The Immaculate Collection collection is the soundtrack to pretty much every sorta-long-distance drive I take.  I even wrote an essay on the holy grail of girl pop for one of my classes this semester.

In my paper, I spoke about three songs (all of which are getting the Glee treatment tonight!) - "Like a Virgin", "Express Yourself" and "What It Feels Like For a Girl" - and how they exemplify her gender-bending persona. "The Power of Madonna", on the other hand, has Mr. Shue teaching the Glee boys the important and strength of the group's girls - via The Queen of Pop's sass-tastic songbook. I guess great minds really do think alike.

I've attached a sample of my extremely fangirly essay below. The section covers the gender confused portrayal of her hit, "Express Yourself"from her Blond Ambition Tour. I figured it would only be suiting (there's a pun there, wait) because the girls will be adopting Madge's corset-pantsuit combo from the tour tonight (see above).

Let me know what you think! (Of the episode and my essay.)

Glee gets Stoned...

Photo: Rolling Stone

I like Rolling Stone. I LOVE Glee. You'd figure I'd die for an article mixing the two, right? I thought I would too.

This week's issue of RS is in full-out Gleek-out mode, with the stars of the hit musical comedy gracing the cover and the multiple-page feature spread. The cover is actually quite fun, with Quinn, Finn, Sue, Rachel and Mr. Shue all taking on vintage modes of transport (think old school bikes, retro roller skates). The story, however, deserves a cold blue slushie in the face.

I know that RS has always tried to push the envelope and get unconventional stories from otherwise straight stars. But this one really rubbed me the wrong way.

Apparently, the rock mag asked all the Glee kids similar questions - "What was your high school life like?", "How did you get your start in the business" and of course, "Do you pee in the shower?" (I AM SERIOUS.) At one point, they even bark commands at them, yelling "Entertain us!" and getting frustrated when all they can come up with a spontaneous drum solo. They claim this was an exercise in prying some entertaining and new tidbits from the gang, but I don't know, the whole thing just felt off-the-wall creepy and presumptuous to me.

Clearly, RS wanted them to be more exciting and rock n' roll then they actually are. I'm sorry, but not all celebrities are Madonna. Some of them are just straight up boring, normal people who just happen to be on TV or on the big screen. You can't expect everyone to have some sort of wild sex-life or lewd back story. Sure, you can argue that the Glee kids could have been holding back some juicy tidbits to keep them from tarnishing the show's squeaky clean image. But it's also highly plausible that they just don't have any really scandalous stories to share.

It really made me laugh when the journalist (Erik Hedegaard) started complaining that the kids refused to talk to him after their interviews. He tries to make the conflict out like it's the personification of high school-style isolation - excluding the "different" person because they don't go with the status quo. Sorry, but I think that's just a cop out and a lame, overused motif.

Did he really expect them to welcome him with open arms after asking them whether they wear thongs or get their freak-on in bed? He seems to think he's the weird, under-appreciated Enid Wexler to Glee's popular kids, but really, he's just the weird older dude creeping on the freshmen girls - and boys. Nobody wants to see - or read about - that.

More and more, I'm realizing that all RS wants to do is manipulate a story to get some controversy - and attention. Think back to John Mayer and his extremely non-PC interview with the mag that landed him in hot water from pretty much every minority and fangirl out there. I'm not gonna defend John and say that he was manipulated - the dude could have shut his mouth - but I'm sure he wouldn't have gone to certain places had he not been prodded to do so.

I think RS thinks they are still the hard-hitting alternative music mag they once were in the 1960s and 70s. Sorry, but the we're-pretentious-music-snobs-and-you-love-it attitude really doesn't work anymore. Every time they ask these overly intrusive questions, they're just falling back on their old habits and churning out a new version of their last so-called subversive article.

I will continue to read RS for the reviews - I love you, Peter Travers! - but I doubt I will read the features any longer. If I feel like being inandated with schlock, awe and unintentional goofiness - I'll rent a Bruce Campbell movie. At least he knows when he's being ridiculous.

Mood Music: "Express Yourself" by Madonna

Gleek out!

THREE WEEKS LEFT.

Mood Music: "I'll Remember" by Madonna

Christmas time is here...

 

It's the most wonderful time of the year again. It's time for advent calendars. It's time for excessive peppermint ingestion. It's time for milk and cookies. It's time for red and green to briefly remain an acceptable color combo. It's time to break out your Christmas Vacation DVD. It's time for egg nog and festive hob nobs. And most importantly, it's time for Christmas music.

I know. After getting invaded by terrible Christmas crooning at the malls (they always pick the worst ones to play at department stores), sometimes it's hard to remember how awesome Yuletide songs can be. But when they're good, they're golden.

Here are 12 of my favourite Christmas songs - one for each day of Christmas.

1. "Christmas Time is Here" - Charlie Brown

Classic. Classic. Classic. 

2. "White Christmas" - Otis Redding

This song has been done a million times, but nobody does it like Otis. He makes it so soulful it hurts. Gorgeous.

3. "Baby It's Cold Outside" - Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone (from the Elf soundtrack) 

This is why I fell in love with Miss Deschanel. (P.S. - She & Him are releasing a sequel to "Volume 1"! They better tour.)

4. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" - U2

I don't know about you, but I like my Christmas with a side of rock n' roll and an extra helping of yearning.

5. "Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys

This song is the definition of holiday cheer.

6. "All I Want for Christmas Is You" - Olivia Olsen

I love Mariah's original but this one wins because it was in  the best festive movie of the times, "Love, Actually".

7. "Christmas Wrapping" - The Waitresses 

This one gets my vote for so many reasons, but mostly because it indulges in the fine art of the pun right from the get go.

8. "Sleigh Ride" - Harry Connick Jr. 

Under Harry's guidance, sleigh bells become mighty saxxy. I love.

9. "Last Christmas" - Wham! 

An 80s Christmas classic by a gay icon? Yes, please.

10. "What's This" - Jack Skellington 

The sights, the sounds! They're everywhere and all around! I've never felt so good - before! This empty place inside of me is filling up. I simply cannot get enough. I want it, oh, I want it. Oh, I want it for my own. I've got to know. I've got to know! What is this place that I have found? What is this?

11. "Fairytale of New York" - The Pogues 

A little bit folky. A little bit rock n' roll. A little bit rude. All around wonderful.

12. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - Judy Garland 

After that saucy Saint Nick tune, you'll want to amp up the class again. And who knows classy better than Judy?

Mood Music: "Last Christmas" - Glee Cast

Bitch, please!: Why I love Sue Sylvester like a sister..

(Photo: EW)

Sue Sylvester is a raging bitch. And that is exactly why I worship her.

If you haven't been watching Glee, you need to, just to hear Sue (played by the immaculate Jane Lynch) say some of the most wildly inappropriate things ever. In essence, she's like a tall, blond version of Sarah Silverman - if Sarah had a serious penchant for track suits and schadenfreude.

To give you a taste of her deliciously acerbic wit, I've compiled a list of the most offensive and classy pearls of Sue wisdom.

Sue on the the Glee's sexy take on "Push It": 'That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.''

Sue on inspiring students: ''I'm all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.''

Sue on getting tired during cheerleading practice: ''You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.'', "You think this is hard? I'm living with Hepatitis. That's hard!" and "You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that's hard"

Sue - in mid-hug with her enemy, Will Scheuster: ''I am about to vomit down your back.''

Sue on babies: ''I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.'', ''Me, I never wanted kids — don't have the time, don't have the uterus.''

Sue on guys with wavy locks: ''I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.''

Sue on the birds and the bees: "I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling''

Sue threatening Will (this may be my favourite): ''...I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house...and punch you in the face.''

Sue on body image: "All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties."

Sue on sensitivity: "This year, I got myself a bit of an eye lift. While they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn't using them."

Sue on the McKinley High production of Chicago: "When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious."

Sue on recycling: "Not everybody will have the balls to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until our streets are littered with garbage. That's why I pay taxes, so the garbage men can buy tacos for their family."

 Sue on the homeless:  "I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'"

And that's life as Sue C's it! Do ya love it?

Mood Music: "Don't Rain On My Parade" by Lea Michele (Can't. Stop. Listening.)

"Jump" in!

I really need to work on my History of Journalism essay that is due Wednesday. But this video is SO much more entertaining. If I didn't have a bunch of DVDs scattered all over my bed, I'd be jumping all over it right now.

I still can't believe that there's only one new Glee episode left until the dreaded three-month hiatus. I don't know what I'm going to do without my weekly musical-interlude fix. I really hope I don't start lurking on those excessive Glee fan pages. If I start making terrible mash-up videos or writing Rachel/Finn/Kurt fanfiction, please channel your inner 80s Cher and slap me dramatically across the face. Or you know, just break out into some sort of 90s pop song. Either one should wake me up. At least for an hour.

P.S. - How much do you love that Artie holds up a sign that says "JUMP"? It kills me every time.

Mood Music: "Don't Make Me Over" by Amber Riley

Get your Freak on!

(I don't like this book. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!)

Last Saturday night, I made the unfortunate transition from teen to twenty-something (I can't buy Teen Vogue without feeling guilty anymore!). Although I was sad to say goodbye to my teen years, my day was anything but upsetting.

Over the course of the weekend, I received quite the assortment of awesome from my friends and family. Every single present I got appealed to my love of campy and so-cool-they're-uncool pop culture fixations. The sweet swag included Whedonverse delights (a new Buffy season 8 comic, Firefly: The Complete Series and a copy of Serenity), Michael Cera DVDs,  HSM accesories (Cause everyone needs a singing Troy Bolton pen!), New Moon merch and totally rad vintage NKOTB books.

Although I was gaga for everything I got, one present truly set my fangirl side ablaze.  Ladies and gents, say hello to the Holy Grail of TV DVDs, the Freaks and Geeks: Yearbook Edition.

P.S. - Can I just say that I've looked at this McKinley High (Sound familiar? McKinley High is also the name of the school in Glee!) yearbook more times in the last week than I've looked at any of my own yearbooks in, well, ever?

Mood Music: "Possibility" by Lykke Li

Gleeking out!

I LOOOOOOOVE THIS SHOW.

Mood Music: "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys

Oh no. I gotta go. Back to schooooool. (AGAIN!)

School started today and while many of you have already been entranced by the reality of the strangely comforting feel of new textbooks, fresh Hilroy lined paper, mechanical pencils that are actually filled and highlighters with ample ink, I can't seem to get my mind off movies.

The beginning of the school year always kickstarts my cinematic libido because just days after we step back into our respective classrooms (or labs if you're science-y), the Toronto International Film Festival starts. Although TIFF pretty much owns my (and now, many of my friends') soul in September, you don't have to go a big film fest to get your movie fix before school actually gets hard.

When I'm not perusing and schmoozing (near) the red carpet scene, I like to indulge in some classic school themed flicks and TV shows. Even though most of us hated at least part of our high school (or university) lives, there is something wonderfully homey about getting all nostalgic and looking back on growing up. Even if involves reminding ourselves that we were a brain, a basket case, a princess, an athlete or a criminal back in the day.

In honor of one of my favourite genres (if not my favourite), here is a list of my top 10 shows/movies that will teach even the most angsty teenager that high school can be the most bittersweetly awesome place to re-visit. Wedgies, pop quizzes, awkward crushes and all. Enjoy em' while you don't have five essays to write.

1. My So-Called Life

In my humble opinion, this series is not for everyone. If you have adverse reactions to excessive amounts of plaid, Jared Leto or introspective reflections, then you will hate everything about Angela Chase and her so-called friends Rayanne Graff and Rickie Vasquez. But if you've ever hung out with someone you parents didn't like, referred to your crush by his full name (and only his full name), slipped up on a test, felt completely ugly because of a tiny pimple, turned your back on an old friend, or dyed your hair a obscure shade of red because your raggedy old one was holding you back, then you will have a time with this show.

2. Freaks and Geeks

Judd Apatow gave the endlessly lovable (and recognizable!) misfits at McKinley High School Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" as a theme song but, this show is anything but poorly regarded. Freaks and Geeks is a cult favourite, and with way too many reasons to count. From the first minute of the pilot, when the camera pans away from the unrealistically lovesick quarterback and his cheerleader gf on the football and down to a group of most likely stoned guys ranting about parents and the importance of Led Zeppelin, you know this is a special show. And it just gets better from there. Well not really. Nothing goes right on this show. Teachers don't treat everyone equally. Parents don't stay together. Romances don't blossom gracefully (try not to cringe when Linsday and Nick (Linda Cardenelli and Jason Segel) goes from sweet to helplessly awkward in the span of one Styx song). Parties aren't really that fun. Best friends don't last forever. It sounds upsetting, but with Apatow and Paul Feig at the helm, it's downright hilarious.

3. Election

I am incredibly biased because I pretty much worship Reese Witherspoon, but by god, why didn't the woman get an Oscar for this movie? I mean, she played a mean June Carter but, this performance is even better. She IS Tracy Flick in this movie. And Tracy Flick is not a likable person in any way shape or form. Very unlike Reese.

4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV series)

You either get Buffy or you don't. But if you get it, you're head-over-heels in love with it. And how can you not be, really? The whole fighting demons gimmick is really just a metaphor for dealing with all the crap that high school throws you. But it's so much more kickass when the crap comes in the form of assorted creatures of the night.

5. The Breakfast Club

Don't you forget about this movie. Only a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie would, and you my friend, are not a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie. Well, that is if you've seen this movie. If not, then I really can't save you from geekdom. Just accept your fate and maybe one day someone will write a really great movie or show about your life set to a wicked Simple Minds song. (R.I.P. John Hughes.)

6. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Sean Penn was really a funny laidback guy once. Hard to believe, I know, but it's true. Just ask Mr. Hand. Oh, and when you see him, say aloha for me, m'kay?

7. Clueless

I first saw this movie the summer between Grade 1 and Grade 2. My parents were stupid and let me choose the movie. They said I could see pick either The Great Panda Adventure or Clueless. To my six-year-old self, the choice was obvious (The poster had three cool older girls wearing boas and talking on cellphones! Like the pandas had a chance! As if!). The minute movie started, I wanted to be Cher Horowitz (The girl had a computerized outfit selecter!) so I went out and bought myself a fluffy pink feather pen and started saying things like "I'm outie!", "Whatever!" and using terms like "Betty" and "Baldwin" in my day-to-day life. I was sure if I started then, I'd be so ahead of the game when high school actually came around. Once I hit Grade 9, however, fluffy pens were out, the Baldwin bros weren't hot anymore and Alicia Silverstone was barely on anyone's radar. But even though my dreams of becoming Cher have been crushed forever, I love the movie more now. Watching it as an adult is totally different. I actually get the jokes.

8. Donnie Darko

Time travel. Giant Bunnies. Wormholes. Patrick Swayze. Sparkle Motion. Genius.

9. Heathers

WARNING: This isn't another fun teen romp. It's about suicide, Diet Coke-heads and underage sex. And it's absolutely hilarious. Heathers certainly isn't for everyone but I say if you can't handle sharp dark humour mixed in with your teen love triangles and cafeteria gossip, then what's your damage?

10. Glee

I've only seen one episode of this musical-dramedy but I'm in love with the witty High School Musical goes Freaks and Geeks vibe it's giving out. They are showing the second episode tomorrow night on FOX so it's the perfect time to catch up!

BONUS: Grease 2

Okay, so I know everyone is crazy about the first Grease, and I totally get that (I dressed up as a Pink Lady back in Grade 6.). But Grease 2 tackles some issues Danny and Sandy wouldn't have even dared to talk - let alone sing - about when they did their stint at Rydell. I'm talking musical interludes about reproduction, the best ways to turn bowling terminology into sexual innuendos, rock-a-hula-luaus and masked biker dudes. Oh, and a snappy number about going back to school. What's not to quote endlessly?!!

Mood Music: "Church Clothes" by Matt Nathanson

Glee, you sure are terrific!

Tonight I experienced the televisual equivalent of complete geek euphoria.

The show is (most aptly) called Glee and it is a musically inclined breath of quirk-filled fresh air. It's the perfect mixture of Popular, Mean Girls and Freaks and Geeks (the high school is even called McKinley!) with a sprinkling of High School Musical (is that another Troy Bolton I see waiting to burst out of the locker room and into a inspirational power ballad?). And that's just the beginning.

The cast includes two original cast members from my favourite Broadway shows: Matthew Morrison (The Great White Way's original Link Larkin in Hairspray) and Lea Michele (Spring Awakening's first Wendla). Oh and the pilot episode alone features not one, but two (!) Journey classics: "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" and of course, pop rock's pièce de résistance, "Don't Stop Believin'".

My friend Melissa once claimed that I had a serious jonesin' for underdogs. I laughed it off but after watching this show, I totally see it. Like those other McKinley castoffs I love, the kids from Glee, are not the privileged kids with the perfect hair and ludicrous lack of genuine problems or social awkwardness (see: 90210, The O.C. - both of which, I can't stand). They are the under-appreciated, the misunderstood, the down-trodden, the nerds, the freaks and the geeks all wrapped up into one. And I absolutely love them for it.

P.S. - Forgive my punny title. I couldn't resist. You should be happy I didn't do something involving the phrase "Gee Whiz!". Cause I was totally thinking about it.

Mood Music: "I'm Alright" by Kenny Loggins