Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Her Madge-jesty...

(We know who wears the pants in New Directions.)

Tonight the all-Madonna ep of Glee ("The Power of Madonna") finally airs on FOX. I don't know about you, but I am one overexcited diva lover.

I have worshiped Madge pretty much since birth. I have seen her in concert two times - and The Immaculate Collection collection is the soundtrack to pretty much every sorta-long-distance drive I take.  I even wrote an essay on the holy grail of girl pop for one of my classes this semester.

In my paper, I spoke about three songs (all of which are getting the Glee treatment tonight!) - "Like a Virgin", "Express Yourself" and "What It Feels Like For a Girl" - and how they exemplify her gender-bending persona. "The Power of Madonna", on the other hand, has Mr. Shue teaching the Glee boys the important and strength of the group's girls - via The Queen of Pop's sass-tastic songbook. I guess great minds really do think alike.

I've attached a sample of my extremely fangirly essay below. The section covers the gender confused portrayal of her hit, "Express Yourself"from her Blond Ambition Tour. I figured it would only be suiting (there's a pun there, wait) because the girls will be adopting Madge's corset-pantsuit combo from the tour tonight (see above).

Let me know what you think! (Of the episode and my essay.)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Kick me, Kate...

I am the worst Kate Nash fan around.

First off, until this afternoon, I was not aware she had a CD (My Best Friend is You) coming out Tuesday. Second, and worst of all, until about five minutes ago, I had no idea she was coming to play the Mod Club at the end of this month. Thanks to my epic clueless-ness, I am now ticket-less and sad (it's sold out!)

Thank god her new video ("Do-Wah-Do") is endlessly cute (It's like Catch Me If You Can meets Jackie Brown -  with choreographed dances). Otherwise, I might have to huddle in a corner and judge my totally disconnected myself.

Mood Music: "Mariella" by Kate Nash

Thursday, April 15, 2010

How Nicholas lost his big-screen spark...


(Greg Kinnear or Liam Hemsworth? PICK A SIDE.)
Photo: FilmoFilia

I went to see The Last Song yesterday and I have to say, it wasn't quite as so-terrible-it's-really-kind-of-awesome as I wanted it to be. It was more where-is-the-story-going-and-why-is-miley-wearing-a-see-through-crop-top awkward.

The problem with The Last Song is that it tries to be two movies at once: the summer love story and the terminal illness tearjerker. As a result, both stories get cut short. Individually, they might have worked well (especially the second story). But together, they just seem opposing and artificial.

Nicholas Sparks' last movie, Dear John had exactly the same problem. For the first hour, the movie is dedicated to a cute, beach-side romance. In the second half, however, it becomes a different movie, dealing with heavy issues like the consequences of war and the sacrifices you must make for not-so-healthy family members. This quilt-of-emotions approach worked terribly, making both stories fall flat.

Sparks' best book-to-movie adaptations (A Walk to Remember, The Notebook), worked because they focused on one specific couple and their unique story. Yes, they ended in tragedy, but when the big death happened (cause it always does), it involved one (or both) of the members of the duo. As a result, the progression between euphoric love story and epic tissue tale felt more authentic and heartbreaking.

Nick - if you wanna make half-decent stories again, you've got to start simplifying. Go with one story and run with it. And leave the spiritual crises to Mitch Albom.

P.S. - Oh, and when you have a teen idol record a highly addictive ballad for your movie, make sure you actually have her sing it in said movie. I was waiting for my "I'm Not a Girl (Not Yet a Woman)" moment, but alas, no sparkly dice. 

Mood Music: "Gives You Hell" by Lea Michele

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Glee gets Stoned...

I like Rolling Stone. I LOVE Glee. You'd figure I'd die for an article mixing the two, right? I thought I would too.

This week's issue of RS is in full-out Gleek-out mode, with the stars of the hit musical comedy gracing the cover and the multiple-page feature spread. The cover is actually quite fun, with Quinn, Finn, Sue, Rachel and Mr. Shue all taking on vintage modes of transport (think old school bikes, retro roller skates). The story, however, deserves a cold blue slushie in the face.

I know that RS has always tried to push the envelope and get unconventional stories from otherwise straight stars. But this one really rubbed me the wrong way.

Apparently, the rock mag asked all the Glee kids similar questions - "What was your high school life like?", "How did you get your start in the business" and of course, "Do you pee in the shower?" (I AM SERIOUS.) At one point, they even bark commands at them, yelling "Entertain us!" and getting frustrated when all they can come up with a spontaneous drum solo. They claim this was an exercise in prying some entertaining and new tidbits from the gang, but I don't know, the whole thing just felt off-the-wall creepy and presumptuous to me.

Clearly, RS wanted them to be more exciting and rock n' roll then they actually are. I'm sorry, but not all celebrities are Madonna. Some of them are just straight up boring, normal people who just happen to be on TV or on the big screen. You can't expect everyone to have some sort of wild sex-life or lewd back story. Sure, you can argue that the Glee kids could have been holding back some juicy tidbits to keep them from tarnishing the show's squeaky clean image. But it's also highly plausible that they just don't have any really scandalous stories to share.

It really made me laugh when the journalist (Erik Hedegaard) started complaining that the kids refused to talk to him after their interviews. He tries to make the conflict out like it's the personification of high school-style isolation - excluding the "different" person because they don't go with the status quo. Sorry, but I think that's just a cop out and a lame, overused motif.

Did he really expect them to welcome him with open arms after asking them whether they wear thongs or get their freak-on in bed? He seems to think he's the weird, under-appreciated Enid Wexler to Glee's popular kids, but really, he's just the weird older dude creeping on the freshmen girls - and boys. Nobody wants to see - or read about - that.

More and more, I'm realizing that all RS wants to do is manipulate a story to get some controversy - and attention. Think back to John Mayer and his extremely non-PC interview with the mag that landed him in hot water from pretty much every minority and fangirl out there. I'm not gonna defend John and say that he was manipulated - the dude could have shut his mouth - but I'm sure he wouldn't have gone to certain places had he not been prodded to do so.

I think RS thinks they are still the hard-hitting alternative music mag they once were in the 1960s and 70s. Sorry, but the we're-pretentious-music-snobs-and-you-love-it attitude really doesn't work anymore. Every time they ask these overly intrusive questions, they're just falling back on their old habits and churning out a new version of their last so-called subversive article.

I will continue to read RS for the reviews - I love you, Peter Travers! - but I doubt I will read the features any longer. If I feel like being inandated with schlock, awe and unintentional goofiness - I'll rent a Bruce Campbell movie. At least he knows when he's being ridiculous.

Mood Music: "Express Yourself" by Madonna

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Call girls...


(Botched jobs and Diet Coke heads.)
Photo: ladygaga.com

Want to make The Best Fucking Video Ever? Grab these ingredients and follow these simple instructions. It's easier than making a dance sandwich. (I promise). 

Video a la Gaga
- 2 cups of Gaga
- a hint of Beyonce
- 1 tbsp of Thelma and Louise
- a steamin' hot cup of Tarantino
- a pinch of Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle
-  1 tsp of Jailhouse (Glitter) Rock
 - 1 pair of smokin' hot shades
- 2 empty cans of Diet Coke
- 1 Plenty of Fish cameo
- 2 large fuzzy dice
- a jar of poisoned honey
- as much Miracle Whip as humanly possible
- 1/5 of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Mix in large, sparkly bowl to taste. Serve as many times as humanly possible. 

Mood Music: "Fooled Around and Fell in Love" by Elvin Bishop