How do I loathe this show? Let me count the ways..

The shit has (truly) hitith the fan....ith.

You'll never guess what ridiculous new show ABC Family has just cooked up. I'm not going to tell you, but I will present you with the 10 things I hate about the idea of a series based the still-rockin' 90s teen flick, you guessed it, 10 Things I Hate About You.

1. The show's Patrick Verona character does not have long greasy - yet somehow still hot - hair.
   
   
2. This show's Patrick is not Heath Ledger but Michel - one half of MK and A's vacation bfs from Passport to Paris.
   
   
3. The 2009 Bianca = the blond bitchface from Camp Rock. Can I get a "Whatever major loser!"? Where is Alex Mack!?
   
   
   
4. I don't hear any angry alt-rock of the feminist persuasion in the 10-second trailer.
   
   
5. I'm sorry but I don't see "Moze" from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide reading The Bell Jar, wanting to go to Sarah Lawrence, flashing a pervy gym teacher to get her honey out of detention and walking anywhere near an establishment by the name of Club Skunk.
   
   
6. I highly doubt ABC Family will allow inappropriate references to bratwurst, Reginald's "quivering member" or the meaning behind black panties.
   
   
7. Lines like these will just not make sense post-1999. (Oh the days when Sketchers were the shoe of choice...)
   

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   Bianca: There's a difference between like and love. Because, I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack.
   Chastity: But I love my Skechers.
   Bianca: That's because you don't have a Prada backpack.
   
   
8. Padua High does not look nearly as Hogwarts-y as it should.
   
   
9. The fact that this movie is old enough to remake means I am clearly verging on senior citizen-dom.
   
   
10. Because I'm Canadian, I can never watch it.
    

Mood Music: "FNT" by Semisonic