(The Basterds look damn sexy in gold, don't they?)
Photo: Alamo Drafthouse Cinema Blog
Every year, I tell myself (and pretty much everyone that will listen) that I am going to watch five Best Picture nominees before Oscar night. And every year, the same thing happens. I come up short a flick. So when they announced that they were going to have 10 nominees this year, my head spun in 1000 directions. If I couldn't get through 5 movies, how was I possibly going to work my way through 10?
With all this mind-mixing madness frying my movie-lovin' brain, I started to lose sight of my lifelong dream. Suddenly, I started to doubt my movie-marathoning abilities. I started to see mediocre movies. I even started to hate on the Academy. But after watching the mindless mess that was Did You Hear About The Morgans?, I made like Christian Bale and admitted the truth: I was acting like a punk.
Suddenly, I realized the new regulation was not something to be afraid of - but something to embrace. In the heat of the epiphany, I made it my personal mission to see every single movie that made it on the golden guy's hit-list. And guess what? I did it!
In honour of this awesome achievement, I have compiled a short review of each of the movies for your reading pleasure (don't worry - no major spoilers ahead!). I've also ranked them according to my personal preference. I'm sure things will go down differently when the big show starts Sunday, but I don't care. I'm not an Academy member. I'm just a movie lover. And I can't control what I love - or what I abhor completely (cough, Avatar, cough).
Here goes...
1. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
(They killed Hitler and their fellow nominees'
chances at winning my heart!)
Photo: Filmofilia.
I have been wanting to love Quentin Tarantino for years. In fact, I thought we'd be a match made in heaven - what with our weird and wacked out taste for carefully sculpted bad-taste. But for some inexplicable reason, we never really seemed to click.
I couldn't get into Pulp Fiction. I tried to love Kill Bill but I couldn't quite get passed the long-ass second-half. I kinda loved Death Proof - but I'm not sure if that was because I actually enjoyed it or, because anything seemed better than Quentin's penis melting scene from Planet Terror at that point. This ridiculously cool cinematic joint (I feel like that's how QT's right-hand man, Samuel L.,would describe it) however, had me singing a much different tune. It went something like this: "Quentin, babe, let's run away together. We'll be awkward BFFs - forever!"
Inglorious Basterds had me at it's masterly mispelled monicker (I don't know if I'll ever be able to spell either word right again - so much for becoming a foul-mouthed journalist). But our love affair got straight up torrid after I saw Aldo Raine and his gang of Nazi- killing machines blow up the big screen last August.
Basterds is everything you could want in a movie: hilarious, suspenseful, action-packed, serious, foreign (honestly, is there a non-English language not featured in this movie?) and historically incorrect (Is that a David Bowie song I hear rockin' the movie house in Nazi-occupied France?). I would give it the golden guy just for the opening scene - which makes milk seem utterly (you don't know how much it took for me not to write udderly) terrifying. Future Supporting Actor winner, Christoph Waltz (yeah, he's that good), kills - literally and figuratively - in that scene. Hell, he rocks every scene he's in - the dude's dynamite.
I'll admit - Basterds can be a bit over-done at times (see: the Mike Myers cameo)- but that's the point. It's endlessly entertaining and it never loses it's focus (bringing justice to the Jews!) - or it's kickassness - throughout. And in my books -that's a Best Picture bingo!
P.S. - I just want to add - the Bear Jew can swing his big bat my way anytime. I mean...
2. UP IN THE AIR
(Clooney and co. fly high above the competition.)
Photo: NyDailyNews.com
I put Basterds ahead of this Jason Reitman flick because quite honestly, I enjoyed it more. But if I was actually choosing who should win the Oscar, it would beat Tarantino's masterwork to a bloody pulp. It's not that Up in the Air particularly ground-breaking in terms of shooting, acting or editing (although, it's pretty damn good). It's because of all the movies that hit the megaplexes this year, it most represents where we're at as a culture. Take away the talent - George, Jason and the truly awesome Anna Kendrick (please watch her in Camp right now) - and what you have is an emotionally charged look at the recession and what it has taken out of people. Fasten your seat belts friendlies - this is one for the ages.
3. UP / A SERIOUS MAN
(Can you say, spec-tacular studs?)
Photos: Jclauvin.com/IMDB.com
Two great movies about men with shitty set-ups and super-cool spectacles. How am I supposed to choose?
4. DISTRICT 9
(Close encounters of the throughly-awesome kind.)
Photo: IGN
This sci-fi flick was way better than I expected. The visuals alone are worth the rental. I won't say anymore than that though, because I really think you should to go into it blind. That's what I did and I was pretty much glued to the screen.
5. PRECIOUS
(This gem is a diamond in the ridiculously rough.)
Photo: Yahoo! Movies
This movie is far from precious. In fact, it's horrifying. But it's emotional and raw - and damn hard to look away from. It also gets props for giving my homegirl, Mariah Carey, the respect she deserves. (Yeah, I saw Glitter - AND LOVED IT).
6. THE HURT LOCKER
(Jeremy Renner fights the war on slow storytelling.)
Photo: IGN
Not nearly as good as I wanted it to be, Sure, the acting and cinematography were incredible - but the story didn't grab me like it should have. My parents - both war-movie lovers - left halfway in, complaining of boredom. I wouldn't say it's boring - but it's not remarkably engaging (save for one scene involving a suicide bomber). It's kind of like Jarhead - minus the naked Jake Gyllenhaal.
7. THE BLIND SIDE
(Hollywood fumbles with the feel-good
football flick formula - again.)
Photo: The Baltimore Sun
Sure, it's kind of a Hallmark card of a movie, but damn it, I was moved. I laughed. I cried. I stayed to the end credits to see all the real-life photos and recaps.
8. AN EDUCATION
(Lessons in love and lurking.)
Photo: Collider.com
I'm sorry, but I found this whole movie incredibly creepy - not to mention annoyingly predictable. Even Nick Hornby's semi-witty script couldn't suck me in. The only redeeming part is Carey Mulligan - but she won't win. So, meh.
9. AVATAR
(Either Papa Smurf filled out, or the
Blue Man Group got Rogaine. )
Photo: Shockya.com
From the minute I saw the preview for this movie, I wanted to hate it. And I did. People keep saying it's a visual triumph. I don't buy it. The background may be awesome but the Na'vi actually look like Second Life avatars. Oh, and the writing sucks. I'm trying to forget James Cameron slaved over this for more than a decade. In my mind, he's still the king of the world - just trapped forever in 1998.
And that's it for my Best Pic picks. I know the list is a little lopsided, but after writing a novella about Basterds, I decided to give you a break and get to the point. Plus, to be honest, most of these movies wouldn't make my top 10 of 2009. But that's a whole other post altogether...
What did movies you love - and love to loathe - this year?
Mood Music: "Cat People" by David Bowie
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